Together on the Journey: A Weekly Blog from Fr. Andrew Sheldon
We began Lent this past Wednesday with an invitation to observe a holy Lent “by self-examination, penitence, prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, and by reading and meditating on the word of God.”
In the next few weeks, I will use this blog to examine each one of these disciplines and imagine what they could look like for us as we observe a holy Lent.
Self-Examination and Penitence
As we engage in self-examination, we reflect on the ways we individually and collectively fall short of God’s ideal for us as individuals and as a community. We acknowledge that we do those things we ought not to do, and we do not do those things we ought to do. But it is important to note that the purpose of this is not self-loathing, or the judgement and condemnation of others. The purpose is healing and wholeness; our own and that of others. Such a purpose is found in a cycle of penitence that has its roots in the understanding of the ancient people of God. In Hebrew, it is called Teshuva and has 4 key components.
Contrition:
Contrition is sorrow, remorse, and regret. It is to lament the brokenness and pain that is the result of choices that hurt ourselves and others. It is not primarily an emotion, though emotion may be involved. It is decidedly an act of the will – a clearheaded acknowledgement that an individual, community, or indeed, society, have done wrong.
Confession:
Confession is essentially an acknowledgement of failure communicated to the other. If warranted, it would involve an apology to the person or persons transgressed against. An apology is not merely, “I am sorry this happened to you.” Apology that is confession is, “I am sorry I did this to you; I was wrong.”
Now that is personal confession. We also have ritual confession. There is, of course, the general confession we say when we gather for worship. But the general confession is just that. It is not primarily a time when we individually whisper a litany of misdeeds to God while everyone else prays out loud. It is a communal act and what we confess is our communal propensity for not loving God and not loving our neighbour as ourselves. It is important to note that simply confessing/apologising to God may not be enough: the general confession does not get the individual or the community off the hook from apologizing when necessary.
Reparation/Restitution:
Reparation is to make amends, to compensate. It is not enough to acknowledge to yourself, to God and to another that you have behaved badly and then go on your merry way basking in the glow of forgiveness. If the situation calls for it, there must be recompense. To illustrate this simply, this means that if you steal something you either replace it or provide the monetary equivalent of that which you stole.
This stage, however, is the one where the process often breaks down. “Well, I said I was sorry; what more can I do?” Lots more. You compensate. You steal, you replace. You lie, gossip or slander, you let everyone who witnessed this know you lied, gossiped or slandered.
Us church folk can be particularly bad at this. In our quest for niceness, we often sacrifice justice. The Old Testament prophets railed again and again about this practice. “God desires justice and mercy,” they said, “not just remorseful sacrifices.” This stage is important for the transgressor, but it is even more important for the transgressed. The single biggest reason for resentment, I believe, is the lack of reparation. People cannot let go because they believe the issue, at some level, remains unresolved.
Amendment of Life:
The penitential cycle is complete when behaviour changes. This is not to suggest that amendment of life always comes easily or quickly. The propensity to mess up over and over again – and often in the same ways – is part of the human condition. Nonetheless, this stage calls for some solid reflection on our particular and peculiar propensities, and careful attention to how we could live differently. As such, every trespass concludes with a conversion; a commitment to live a new life; to try harder; to do better. Living up to God’s ideal as individuals and as a community is not easy; it is a life-long task.
The Last Word . . .
Is grace. God’s lavish grace, and love, and mercy that ever flows. As I wrote earlier, self-examination and penitence is not an exercise in self-loathing or in engaging in condemnation and judgment. It is an exercise in wholeness and healing and being the best we can be in service of God and others. And knowing that, even when we fail, we are forgiven.
Andrew+